more thoughts on white privilege, denial, and responsibility

Some leftover thoughts on the white privilege conference:

• Allan Johnson, explaining how white privilege works, said what I’ve always said–privilege is not a guarantee. What it means is that the odds are stacked in favor of European-descended people (in the US). Yeah yeah yeah, okay, but an important corollary to this is to think of yourself in a casino. If you keep winning, yay you! You’re happy! How would you realize that statistically you win more often than other people unless you took the time to observe and learn about their experiences?
• Paula Rothenberg, in her keynote, made a great statement to the effect that young women have been sold a bill of goods so that they believe any choice they make is a feminist choice–even those which completely support and uphold capitalist patriarchy. Those of us who struggle with this dynamic in our communities were hooting and hollering in response, and she smiled and said, “I knew this was the right audience.”
• I injured my right forearm by holding it tightly across my belly with my other hand, in order to take up as little space as possible and avoid making the people seated on either side of me uncomfortable. I did this for roughly eight hours a day for three days. My arm still hurts. I wish people would think about what it’s like to be large in a crowd situation; I spent the entire conference hyperaware of my physical boundaries as I was forced to squeeze past people who’d decided to have a conversation in the middle of the aisle, or who couldn’t be bothered to scoot into the middle of a row of seating so that people who came in later wouldn’t have to climb over them. (It also would have been appreciated if the chairs could have been set farther apart to begin with.) But goddess forfend any of my fat should touch anyone inadvertently–then at the very least I merit the stinkeye, if not a rude comment. (No rude comments were made this past weekend but have been in other settings.)

Two worthy quotes:

From Paul Kivel’s book Uprooting Racism, I present the List of Tactics to Avoid Responsibility. He originally developed these in his work with violent men, but they work really well in analyzing the behavior of white people responding to racism too, ’cause, you know, those pesky oppressions, they’re connected:

I’m not a Freudian, but I really liked the quote below from Why Is It Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss. Cause we people with privilege, well, don’t we often act pretty entitled and narcissistic when we get called on our shit? The advice below, from the section “Guidelines for Survival with a Narcissist in Power” to me reads like a recipe for how to act as an oppressed person:

Know the Narcissist’s weaknesses, the fragile Self beneath the mask of superiority and power. Become sensitive to what triggers his or her shame and envy. Learn to read the meaning behind the grandiosity, arrogance, need for admiration, entitlement, contempt, and rage. Then treat the Narcissist as you would a small, vulnerable child–but with twice the respect.

Be careful not to do anything that offends or challenges the Narcissist’s images or illusions. Remember that he or she is not interested in truth, reality, or you. If you inadvertently deflate [the Narcissist], be prepared to do damage control. Know what works and what doesn’t.

If you wish to avoid evoking envy, you must never compete for attention with the Narcissist. Unfortunately, this may mean minimizing your talents and accomplishments and allowing the Narcissist to take credit for what you do. If you wish to prevail, learn to suck it up and keep a low profile. Cultivate the art of seamlessly blending in–be vague, bland, and inconspicuous when not in the service of the Narcissist…

Learn to recognize the signs of envy: criticism and excessive praise. Should you inadvertently evoke envy despite your best efforts, you can dampen your own brilliance by revealing a flaw or weakness, or you can credit luck for your “good fortune.” Remember that your accomplishments, when not in the service of the Narcissist, threaten and diminish him or her. They become narcissistic injuries, for which you will pay. Never forget that you are connected to the Narcissist in ways that you cannot see–you are an extension of that person’s ego. You must never outshine the Narcissist.

Recognize and avoid the power traps, such as vagueness or inspirational rhetoric, that the Narcissist sets for you. Learn to see through the illusions to reality. Be on guard for hidden motives, and be cautious with your trust.

Or, you know, just hang out as often as you can with people who aren’t assholes.

Filed under: personal is political, white privilege by Amy's Brain Today